Robot Landscape

Hey! I'll do a short post since it's already 2200. I've lost track of my count for the #100daystooffload thingy but unless it's really close I guess I should consider this a half-post.

I didn't want to return to the states. I had a lot of reasons for this, as I've explained, but one of them was political: the US is a cesspool for fascism.

Now that I'm back, I might as well make the best of the situation. Looking on the bright side, hypothetically I'm in a great position to fight fascism, right?

Whether I have the guts to do that is yet to be seen. I hope I do.

Hello friends.

I've struggled with depression the past couple months, since we (my family) moved to a different country. It's a longer story which would need more context, the point is that we had a lot of changes which created a lot of stress: all my friends were gone, all of the places I knew well were gone, my love at that moment was gone.

3 days after this transition finalized, I got a job as a summer camp counselor. This really helped, because it kept me busy, I was doing something I enjoyed and felt like I was making a good impact. I was active, outside all the time, and with a lot of people (good for a social person like myself).

Still, this was more like a band-aid over a bullet hole. I would go home, tired and sometimes sore, with an empty hole in my heart. At camp I was always the center of attention, always happy, very popular, but at home I was miserable.

It probably didn't help that I was a communist in America, the center of capitalism. I couldn't express myself, yet being out of the country for so long I had become... desensitized, to how things are generally ran here. So much plastic, so much social media, so much advertising, so much pressure to buy shit all the time, the godforsaken imperial system, and on top of it all knowing that it was built upon the backs of less fortunate countries, who wound up on the wrong end of imperialism. Being in a positive place like a summer camp, generally away from capitalism, definitely made the transition easier. I still felt it though, even in a summer camp.

The summer ended, and school started a few days after.

Same problems, but amplified. The community that the summer camp offered disappeared, replaced by the pressures, stresses, and competition from the school. Since then I've found my niches, but I still only know a couple other socialists, one's an anarchist and one I had a bad first impression with. I'm in the Social Justice Club, Environmental Club, and Gay-Straight Alliance, as a materialist I believe it's important to try and make progress however you can. It's not currently possible in my rich suburban environment to make socialist progress, but I can fight capitalism from the fringes without socially isolating myself.

My mood's been good lately. I have been tracking it since returning to the States, and January is by far my best month (4.5 out of 5 for average daily mood ratings). I'm happy, or at least that's the trend. But today I kinda slipped a little: I made a list of everything I hate about America. Looking back at the note I made, it had 13 bullet points, 13 things which I hate about America in particular (or 13 things about my life in America, there are many more than 13 possible reasons to hate America). But I didn't go any further than 13, although I could have.

I realized that by focusing on the negative, I was perpetrating this concept that there is nothing good about America. That's not true, there's a lot to like about America. Where there was community in New Zealand, that's been replaced with opportunity here. I can do almost anything I want here, and recognizing my privilege that I have in a well-off town with lots of such opportunities, I can use those opportunities to do good, perhaps create the community I want, maybe later creating change from above.

Focusing on the bad is the reason why I was so miserable after leaving New Zealand. I was under a lot of stress, sure, but the quicker I could have been happy where I was the better off I would be.

Hope this helps anyone going through something similar.


Robot Landscape

Hey there!

Another couple days. Lots going on, lots of things happening.

I'll start with Friday: It's midterm exams week at our school, and for my fourth periods, A and B (which aligned with Friday) I had band and a study. I went to school in full concert attire, which means the tuxedo that they assigned to me, passed down from student to student. Each “group” took their own photos, including the honors band, full concert band, and each instrument group (which each took a serious and staged, funny photo). It was fun getting to arrive in school in a tuxedo, something one doesn't get to do very often.

I left the school because the next period I would have had would have been a study, which I'm not required to stay at the school for. I took a ride with a friend (I can't drive yet, I've been out of the country) and went to coffee with her. I got back, a bit of a depressive episode happened. I started reading Land of Lisp by Conrad Barski, in an attempt to learn said language. I'll get there. I had one of those depressive episodes where you don't particularly feel like doing anything in particular, but the swim meet got my hyped up so that was a good change of events.

Saturday was more band stuff. We had an exchange concert, which means that all of the 8th graders (“oncoming freshmen”) from the middle school came for a day to see what the high school band (and our high school more generally) was like. Our group that we were assigned to were extremely immature (I think one set off the fire alarm, not sure), as to be expected. They'll grow up, but let middle school kids be middle school kids. Let them do stupid shit. We spent that day integrating and meeting with the 8th graders, learning some songs together, and by 1600 we performed the songs we learned in front of parents of both high school and middle school students. The practice was a bit boring, a bit tiring, and a bit stressful, but the performance was fun, and the 8th graders weren't all bad.

I went to a party with some people on my swim team. They're a good group, I had lots of fun at that.

Went to bed at a reasonable time. Woke up and went to a swim meet at 0700. I swam the 200 yard Individual Medley, did not qualify for the state championchips on that one, then did a 500 yard freestyle, which I did qualify by 6 seconds, a 200 relay which we lost (we can't qualify but if contributes to whether or not our school wins the overall meet) and a 400 relay which only our school competed in so we can't really “win” it. It was practically a 400 yard relay cooldown. Our team attempted getting it on exactly 4 minutes, because our previous time was 3:47, but we did 4:03 this time.

Then I came back, had breakfast, and wrote a blog! Busy couple days.

Robot Landscape

Good morning!

I figured I would use this blog post to arrange how I feel about my gender and sex identity, both for whoever reads this and for myself. This isn't set in stone, and it shouldn't be for anyone: people should be open to exploring who they are and who they like, because being comfortable in your own skin and loving who you want to love are crucial for happiness!

I've “known” that I was bisexual since... about mid-2019?

I check google photos, move it to June 2019, and see exactly the place and time I'm thinking about...

Oh yeah, definitely. I would have been 15 then, 16 in a couple months. I say “knew”, in quotes, because I wasn't certain until I started becoming closer friends with this one dude, let's call him Will. We didn't wind up becoming anything more than friends because, I was too uncertain about myself at the time about how he would react, especially since his family was mega-conservative. But I definitely had a huge crush on this guy for a good while. I told him I was bi about a year after the last time I saw him, over Whatsapp.

Sexual Identity is stereotypically the “easy” part, between Gender and Sex identity, I'm still kinda working it out.

I don't think I'm cis. I am pretty sure that I'm something along the lines of a gender-nonconforming male, because my sister said that and it sounded right. I don't really identify with masculinity, and in a group of guys or a group of girls I don't really feel 100% like everyone else in the group. I don't know if that's the best indicator, but in a group of both males and females I don't feel like I'm “one” with the group. I like looking adrogenous, I like wearing my towel like a dress after I shower, but I also like wearing shorts and doing crazy shit, I like both guy and girl things.

I did think for a little bit that I was genderfluid, and I still have that open as a possibility. I think that also could have been an excuse for me to explore it a little more instead of “choosing” something, but now I suppose I'm just more open to changing it I suppose. And not every genderfluid person is going to be like that, I'm not invalidating anyone who currently identifies as genderfluid, this is just my own experience.

Conclusion: I'm just a big mess of everything.

See y'all tomorrow, Robot Landscape

Is it considered another blog in the #100daystooffload challenge if I do two blogs in one day?

Ugh. I am trying to manage my time properly and you don't know how much time you've been wasting on a daily basis until you start tracking it. 6 hours ago I had to write a 3 paragraph essay on a particular aspect of Shakespeare's Macbeth, and so far I'm two sentences in. Other than that essay, according to my browser history I've also:

  • Tried to figure out how to do VNC in a browser
  • Looked into Apple's ethics section, and how they are really totally an ethical company, as well as looking at some of their devices
  • Installed Ad Nauseam again
  • Looked for a time-tracking app, went through 3 alternatives
  • Played some guitar and some trumpet
  • Looked at 2 videos of what happens when you practice every day for a year
  • Thought about setting up a personal wiki using emacs org-mode
  • Looked at some old anarchist blog I used to follow when I was actually an anarchist
  • Looked at YunoHost
  • Tried to figure out how to do math in Bash
  • Looked at how to set up a gaming PC for x dollars
  • Looked at CowLicks
  • Looked at the benefits of writing regularly (these are in reverse order by the way, around this time I also wrote the first blog post today)
  • Made an Outlook account (what the fuck?)
  • Looked at the first domain name ever registered
  • Looked at the Uyghur “genocide” (still looking into that)
  • Looked at the world's tiniest programming language (sectorlisp)
  • Played Wordle
  • Scrolled through tons and tons of throughout the day.

ADHD is a bitch. That's just today.

I really want to say that it will get better with time, but it has only gotten marginally better in the 13 years that I've been alive that it's been a problem (I'm 18, I'm not counting when I was <5 because I wasn't trying to do anything productive probably)

I have so much that I want to do, but there's also a ton that I have to do, and I can't get to the things that I want to do if I can't ignore the noise and keep pushing.

Robot Landscape

Hello! New blog. I won't have a “date” on this one because every post below this one (or earlier, chronologically) was written on Neocities or Wordpress. They still express my opinions, but now these are written and published on

For the same reason I am switching from Neocities to WordPress, I'm now switching from WordPress to It doesn't offer nearly enough customization as either of the former, but as far as actually maintaining a blog this seems like it has the least friction. I also don't really have to worry about manual (Neocities) or premium (WordPress) ActivityPub integration, which is important enough to me to be a deal-breaker if it doesn't have it. Now that I have my own domain (without a server behind it yet, I need to learn how to do that) I'll eventually be able to have my own “fediverse box” on a Raspberry Pi or something like that which I can use to host all my stuff with.

This week is midterm week at my school. My Spanish teacher has been out with covid, so despite preparing my presentation which I had to memorize, she postponed it. That's fine I think, and I wish her a speedy recovery, I just wish she had maybe emailed us instead of posting it on her website because I don't have a good way to monitor that besides just checking it.

In a way, my writing a blog is a way for me to see how well I can follow goals long term. It's not something I explicitly decided, “hey I'm going to try to write a blog long-term”, it's just something I've had in the back of my mind forever and it's good to finally let that out. I stumbled into it, but I'm happy that I did. Writing is a good habit, it will allow me to lay out my thoughts better than just microblogging via my other account,

I'm rapidly turning into a fediverse nerd. I feel it in my bones, in my soul. I'm thinking about the rejection of the Leninist concept of the centralization of communication. One would think that given decentralized communication, reactionary thought would prevail and fester, but to be honest, as we've seen in mastodon, it's easier to moderate racism and bigotry, and even free speech instances are isolated from the rest of the fediverse. Centralized communications have been shown to promote right-wing content algorithmically more than leftist content, and somehow mastodon's been doing the opposite.

Why would this happen? According to's section on “Echo chambers and interactions”, it appears that if instances are open-minded and allow communications from other instances, then they'll recieve and send communications with other like-minded instances, and the more closed-minded instances will likewise shut themselves off.

Welp, I hope that this is federating, because if not I'm going back to WordPress.

Robot Landscape

Hello! I’m on WordPress now.

My blog was originally on Neocities, and I really want to have it on Neocities, but there’s simply too much friction between writing and posting. I don’t have the internal capacity to lead the life that I do and maintain a blog in pure HTML. In WordPress, I can hit the “write a post” button and it will bring me to an editor where I can simply spill out my thoughts, to publish it with a single click. No fumbling with markdown, HTML, or creating links back and making the blog well-organized manually.

So, here I am.

Midterms at my school are today, starting in about 70 minutes. I’m not certain why I decided it would be in my best interest to write a post instead of studying, but here we are anyways. I only got 5 hours and 11 minutes of sleep last night (according to my watch), so I am taking more caffeine than usual to hopefully make up for it. It’s not even that I stayed up doing something per se, I just spent too much time trying to fall asleep. Let’s go insomnia :’)

In other news, I’ve been thinking about setting up a fediverse server for my school. They’ve been having quite a bit of issues with social media lately (students posting things they shouldn’t, gossip, normal high school bullshit) which an “official” school Mastodon (or Pleroma) server could fix. Ideally it should be owned, operated, and moderated/maintained by students, maybe in a club. I haven’t decided yet if it should federate with other servers, because on one hand that could be a privacy risk for students and it would prevent them from using it to its full potential, but also it would be good to have content already there to attract them. (That’s something to decide later.)

I’ll start to migrate all my Neocities things over here in time, but for now, welcome! Hopefully this will wind up being a good decision (I mean, this was practically the first post which I actually proofread).

Robot Landscape

Hello again! I've been writing, I swear!

The difficult part of my process at the moment is that I'm writing these posts on a text note (in markdown formatting despite not being able to see the rendered markdown), converting it to markdown, and pasting that into neocities. It's still very manual, and I don't have a good way to make it less manual yet. I'll see if I can reduce the friction of the whole process later.

Firefox got rid of its cryptocurrency donations button, so therefore I'm now writing this in Firefox. The performance in chrome is terrible! You don't really realize it, because all the benchmarks suggest otherwise, but even though chrome is faster at those benchmarks its actually really slow for normal web browsing. I appreciate the less complexity from not scrolling the tabs, but it makes it feel really overwhelming at times, having 77 tabs open. I'm glad to be back to Firefox and I'm glad that my little boycott worked.

Several good things are happening to me IRL: I went to a swim meet on saturday and qualified for my state championships with a time of 25-something seconds in the 50 yard freestyle, so that's cool. Then I went to my robotics teams' season kickoff to learn about the new game that's happening, and it looks really fun! I spent the rest of the weekend talking with my team about the different strategies and things we could do in this event, so now we have a relatively solid plan on what we're going to do, what kind of robot we're going to be, and what strategies we're going to prioritize.

I got a french press from my mom's company because a colleague gave it to her and she didn't want it. The coffee is really good but it's a lot of work, so it'll probably remain something I do when I have the time to do it.


I'm writing this on my phone at 23:28 (yes, I use 24 hour time) because o want to write a blog but I don't want to get my computer out.

I've been trying to start an awful lot of habits lately. Sure, I'm currently at 65 days with Duolingo, that's nice to show off with but I feel like I'm just trying to do a lesson every day to maintain the streak at this point, I don't care as much about actually learning Spanish. The practice is probably good though. Also this blog is going to try to follow It kinda already was, because that was my original intention, but now it's formal. I need to shower more too, I'd been showering less to waste less water but parents have been getting mad at me so I'm going to shower at least once every 24 hours, maybe I'll have a cold shower or just a short shower if I want to reduce my impact.

I also sunk a lot of time today watching Markiplier playing Minecraft, which wasn't ideal. It's entertaining as fuck but not really productive at all. I'm still working on how to not get sucked into YouTube, has been working really well but I don't think it does quite enough.

I also saw my new house for the first time! We're moving, and since the house market is so crazy my parents basically bought a house that had good photos so that no one could steal it from under us (despite being maybe not the perfect home for us). It seems like it will be really good though. We just need to figure out where the music room will go ;P

I saw something on the verge (link to it) that a Google search for “climate change” gives oil companies' ads, so I tried it myself and it is in fact true. So, no more google, not even on my launcher (I've switched to nova). I'm still “boycotting” (or just mad at) Firefox for implementing donations with cryptocurrency, so at the moment I'm either going to be using chrome with sync disabled or safari (those are my options, as well as Firefox, because I'm using a school laptop predominantly so I can't install any other software)

That's it. If it matters I wrote this post yesterday (well, will be yesterday) so I'll post this one and list it for yesterday then write another one... today.

Robot Landscape


I forgot to write a post yesterday. Whoops.

The guy who I was talking about that I was going to start a communist club with turned out to be an anti-communist after all. I had originally thought he was because I heard someone say that he was, so I reached out and offered my help. Turns out he just makes a lot of communist jokes, however, in the spirit of showing people how communism is wrong. He told me this, and I pretty much wished him well and went along.

The thing is that organizing is really hard. I was really hoping to be able to have someone I could do it with, because having someone to bounce ideas off and work with, share the workload, and add a perspective would have been really nice to have. But, according to one of my favorite articles in recent times, success lies not in intelligence but in grit, the ability to persue long-term goals in the absence of positive feedback.

That being said, I wonder if a communist club is what this school really needs. Of course a stateless classless moneyless society is ideal, but I'm also a materialist and I don't want to persue fruitless goals (which is why Marxism disagrees with Anarchism, which Marxism sees as a utopian way to achieve communism). Thus I think the best thing I can do as a revolutionary is to participate in existing clubs that align with my goals, like the social justice club, the environmental club, and the GSA (gay straight alliance).

Maybe I can put up a qr code or two linking to a socialist faq, but otherwise I think the best I can do is remain reputable, I don't want to be dismissed as a commie.

Robot Landscape